Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
