I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
