I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
