he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
