So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
