Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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