so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
