Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
