just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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