If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
