I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
