i think my mom watched the whole time
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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