Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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