After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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