its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
