Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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