So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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