I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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