god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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