great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
