Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
