i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
