I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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