you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Randomize
