Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
