During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
