evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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