being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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