next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
