Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
