It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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