You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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