I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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