Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
