i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
