like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
