I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
3pm strippers are depressing
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
