I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
