In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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