Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
