I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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