I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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