Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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