go do what you do best...puke behind churches
oh god the rape fog is back!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
