i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
