I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
