dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
