I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
