wanna go halves on a baby?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
