I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
