I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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