like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
